After decades of First Ladies who took the title literally and acquitted themselves with class and dignity, now we have to endure “The Predator”, or “Big Bird“ as some of my friends prefer to call the on-going full-ghetto roll-out that is Michelle “Mooch” Obama, the woman never proud to be an American until Jan. 20, 2009.
Funny… that’s exactly when I became embarrassed that she was Worst Lady… .
I know, the sock puppet thinks she dresses like Fifth Avenue, but that’s only when some gay guy picks out her clothes… otherwise she is definitely MLK Blvd.
She is driven to wear as many colors and patterns together as possible in order to call full attention to her 6’1″/180-pound frame…. let’s take a stroll down MLK:
Ahh… the ever-present “booby belt” which Mooch uses to separate her undersized top from her quantum physics lowers quarters… emphasizing the lesser and pointing at the greater.
And if that wasn’t enough, she adds rings of what appear to be discarded boas last seen on a Naw’lins Mardi Gras float…. that’s it–everyone’s eyes amidships!!
And she was very chic to pull the mop back so that her head looks like a 10-watt lightbulb on a giant Kielbasa.
And notice the subtle color choice.
Someone who hates women, probably a self-loathing gay male with mommy issues, must have told her in Chicago… “Baby, you rock that booby belt sistah, nomesayin?”
That’s all she needed, and my eyes haven’t been the same since; and I try to avoid looking at her, it’s painful. But the Obamas are nothing if not attention-whores so, what’s a guy to do?
But I don’t have to like it.
At one time I’d believe that Serena and Venus Williams had damaged my fashion lenses to the point of pulp. But Mooch has been near fatal to my visual acuity; after three years, now I can only see in black and white and with my night vision goggles.
Everyone one knows her “organic” garden is just a PR flack’s homework project and that she’s never actually seen dirt… and I’m okay with that, even though the entire thing is a hoax.
But when she’s allowed into public view after dressing herself, there is only so much a man can stand.
Video clips of her fashion sense are part of the CIA’s “enhanced interrogation techniques” used in Guantanmo.
Now, considering the additional insult to the role of First Lady would be to wear Dollar Store rejects…. and dance in them!
Please dear Baby Jesus, please make her stop dancing….
What???…. the guy was too chicken to write “Black Widow”
She dance everywhere.
They can’t stop her.
Mooch’s perverse hatred of Real America is clear in that she tells Barry to shut his pie hole when he suggests she snap out of it, loose the Soul Train gear and get familiar with earth tones and the LBD… and for gawd sake, get some shoes for those size 14s.
However, dancing with lesbians is alright with some of the more tolerant such as myself…. but not in that sweater/shift/skirt monstrosity Mooch got at Wal-Mart… hell, the AFL/CIO bags her ample cash for a decent wardrobe. Ellen looks far better, even as a guy.
And lest anyone doubt my even-handedness on all this, these clothing/ dancing rules apply to all First Families, especially white dudes… and especially white dudes dancing with gay dudes..